the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
