I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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