Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
