They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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