Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize