Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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