When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize