its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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