just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
