Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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