Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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