we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
