I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
