I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you had me at cake vodka
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
