I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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