Its about making memories worth repressing
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
