did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Even the bartender felt bad for me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
