Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
