there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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