did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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