just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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