my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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