So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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