Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
