the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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