its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
