i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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