I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
