he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
