dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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