??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
