i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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