I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Girls should come with a carfax report
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
