you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
