i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
