Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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