it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
