I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
