Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
