Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
