Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
