she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
