I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
