I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
