it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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