Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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