I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize