I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
