Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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