Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
