The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
