I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize