we're chasing vodka with high fives
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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