i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
