Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
