I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
