I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
