they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
