im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A+ Viking dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
