I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
