When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize