the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
