I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
