Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
